"Heated" is perhaps not a good word for this. "Colorful," naturally. Neither is "corpse-side" nor "confessions." Irregardless, over hundreds of years, many have been given to converse with Oolie Ghoulie by means of private teleoelectronic communication, often mistakenly so. At least, proving that sometimes material does write itself. Here are a few of the better examples.
* * *
SCAMMER: My company is doing a C.O.T giveaway to interested persons who registers on our website.
OOLIE GHOULIE: Love to but unfortunately I'm dead. And dead people are ineligible. It's a broken system I know. No need to get bent out of shape about it. For that you can use my torture rack. ⚰💀
SCAMMER: It your choice.
OOLIE GHOULIE: That's what the executioner said.
Spoiler, it wasn't.
OOLIE GHOULIE: Love to but unfortunately I'm dead. And dead people are ineligible. It's a broken system I know. No need to get bent out of shape about it. For that you can use my torture rack. ⚰💀
SCAMMER: It your choice.
OOLIE GHOULIE: That's what the executioner said.
Spoiler, it wasn't.
* * *
SCAMMER: Just add my Gmail address to your instagram account and click confirm so I can get my account I was trying to login my insta account on my other phone and it recommend me to get a help text from another instagram user, please help me out.
OOLIE GHOULIE: Sounds like you're trying to hack my account. And the only hacking I'm into involves a machete and a decaying corpse.
OOLIE GHOULIE: Sounds like you're trying to hack my account. And the only hacking I'm into involves a machete and a decaying corpse.
* * *
RANDOM GUY: Hello.
OOLIE GHOULIE: Redrum Redrum.
RANDOM GUY: How are you?
OOLIE GHOULIE: As dead as a doornail.
RANDOM GUY: Wow.
OOLIE GHOULIE: Redrum Redrum.
RANDOM GUY: How are you?
OOLIE GHOULIE: As dead as a doornail.
RANDOM GUY: Wow.
* * *
CATFISH: How old are you and how many kids do you have if you don’t mind?
OOLIE GHOULIE: 333 years old and I stop keeping track kids along time ago.
CATFISH: Really why?
OOLIE GHOULIE: Oh too many to count like, believe you me, hoards upon hoards of little imps. One sprouted wings and flew right up a chimney. ... Y'know, kid stuff.
CATFISH: Well you said your 333 years?
OOLIE GHOULIE: Well, not living of course. That would be just plain silly. Dead, 333 years dead. I died rounds about 1688.
CATFISH: Hey what are you talking about I don’t really understand what you’re just saying?
OOLIE GHOULIE: Well, y'know, I understand the confusion, 'cause certainly Gregorian and Julian calendars can be little hard to match up, so give or take 333 years. I mean, I wasn't buried for all that time, I got up, walked around, did so.
CATFISH: Really so are you still alive?
OOLIE GHOULIE: Oh no... gosh NO. Certainly not. Who would want that?
CATFISH: Okay
OOLIE GHOULIE: But it is as they say, "Once you go dead, there's nothing instead."
CATFISH: Well so where are you from?
OOLIE GHOULIE: Originally, my family comes from the old country.
CATFISH: Where is that?
OOLIE GHOULIE: Oh, Transylvania.
CATFISH: Okay
OOLIE GHOULIE: But you know vacations in Wallachia, summer home in the Balkans, days on the lake over by the Dead Sea.
CATFISH: Really
OOLIE GHOULIE: Yea we were living the life. I mean, naturally, as much as dead people can.
CATFISH: What are you doing for a living? I mean your job.
OOLIE GHOULIE: Oh, I don't do anything for a living. But I dig graves for a death
CATFISH: Really? Do you have any kids?
OOLIE GHOULIE: A few, give [or] take by my thirteenth wife. Sorry, a few hundred, I mean.
CATFISH: Really?
OOLIE GHOULIE: Of course, just because I'm dead, doesn't mean the dead won't rise. If you catch my drift.
CATFISH: Okay. Do you have your own house?
OOLIE GHOULIE: Oh definitely, you'd love it, beautifully dilapidated, charming ghosts, eloquent cobwebs, millipedes and slugs just cover the shower, and simply the most gorgeous spiders you've ever seen. Condemned even by 17th century standards. It's a keeper, deffinitely.
CATFISH: Really can I see it?
OOLIE GHOULIE: It would be my honor.
CATFISH: Just lemme see it
OOLIE GHOULIE: That can be your room. I'll even let you have the dry spot.
CATFISH: Okay that’s good. Do you have a car?
OOLIE GHOULIE: I mean, naturally.
CATFISH: Do have a car that’s the question?
OOLIE GHOULIE: You mean a mode of transportation, correct?
CATFISH: Your car.
OOLIE GHOULIE: Certainly, did you want to see it?
CATFISH: Yes dear.
OOLIE GHOULIE: Surprisingly little mileage, and it gets me from A to B.
CATFISH: Okay.
OOLIE GHOULIE: Vintage, might I add
OOLIE GHOULIE: 333 years old and I stop keeping track kids along time ago.
CATFISH: Really why?
OOLIE GHOULIE: Oh too many to count like, believe you me, hoards upon hoards of little imps. One sprouted wings and flew right up a chimney. ... Y'know, kid stuff.
CATFISH: Well you said your 333 years?
OOLIE GHOULIE: Well, not living of course. That would be just plain silly. Dead, 333 years dead. I died rounds about 1688.
CATFISH: Hey what are you talking about I don’t really understand what you’re just saying?
OOLIE GHOULIE: Well, y'know, I understand the confusion, 'cause certainly Gregorian and Julian calendars can be little hard to match up, so give or take 333 years. I mean, I wasn't buried for all that time, I got up, walked around, did so.
CATFISH: Really so are you still alive?
OOLIE GHOULIE: Oh no... gosh NO. Certainly not. Who would want that?
CATFISH: Okay
OOLIE GHOULIE: But it is as they say, "Once you go dead, there's nothing instead."
CATFISH: Well so where are you from?
OOLIE GHOULIE: Originally, my family comes from the old country.
CATFISH: Where is that?
OOLIE GHOULIE: Oh, Transylvania.
CATFISH: Okay
OOLIE GHOULIE: But you know vacations in Wallachia, summer home in the Balkans, days on the lake over by the Dead Sea.
CATFISH: Really
OOLIE GHOULIE: Yea we were living the life. I mean, naturally, as much as dead people can.
CATFISH: What are you doing for a living? I mean your job.
OOLIE GHOULIE: Oh, I don't do anything for a living. But I dig graves for a death
CATFISH: Really? Do you have any kids?
OOLIE GHOULIE: A few, give [or] take by my thirteenth wife. Sorry, a few hundred, I mean.
CATFISH: Really?
OOLIE GHOULIE: Of course, just because I'm dead, doesn't mean the dead won't rise. If you catch my drift.
CATFISH: Okay. Do you have your own house?
OOLIE GHOULIE: Oh definitely, you'd love it, beautifully dilapidated, charming ghosts, eloquent cobwebs, millipedes and slugs just cover the shower, and simply the most gorgeous spiders you've ever seen. Condemned even by 17th century standards. It's a keeper, deffinitely.
CATFISH: Really can I see it?
OOLIE GHOULIE: It would be my honor.
CATFISH: Just lemme see it
** Oolie Ghoulie posts picture of a house in extreme disrepair with floor collasping. **
OOLIE GHOULIE: That can be your room. I'll even let you have the dry spot.
CATFISH: Okay that’s good. Do you have a car?
OOLIE GHOULIE: I mean, naturally.
CATFISH: Do have a car that’s the question?
OOLIE GHOULIE: You mean a mode of transportation, correct?
CATFISH: Your car.
OOLIE GHOULIE: Certainly, did you want to see it?
CATFISH: Yes dear.
** Oolie Ghoulie posts picture of a wheelbarrow. **
OOLIE GHOULIE: Surprisingly little mileage, and it gets me from A to B.
CATFISH: Okay.
OOLIE GHOULIE: Vintage, might I add
* * *
FRIDAY
SCAMMER: Help me received the link. Check your SMS you we see the link there send me the screenshot of the link.
OOLIE GHOULIE: SMS? Oh yes, the Somber Mortuary Shafts, or in layman's, the tunnels under the graveyard. Will do, I'll let you know what I find. 💀🦇
MONDAY
SCAMMER: Have you received the link on your SMS now.
OOLIE GHOULIE: I have been tunneling the shafts for days, nights even, fair maiden, but alas 'tis not to be found amongst cobwebs nor the corpses.
SCAMMER: Check your SMS app.
OOLIE GHOULIE: Oh! SMS! You mean: Sun, Moon and Stars.
I don't have that app, unfortunately.
TUESDAY
SCAMMER: I mean you SMS text message.
OOLIE GHOULIE: Oh a text message! 😅 Foolhardy me, naturally, I'll summon the mail carrier at once and have it out on a good strong horse first thing in the morrow 🐎
SCAMMER: Have you seen the link?
OOLIE GHOULIE: I did find some old rusty chains ⛓ while surveying the grounds. And they have a great many links you know.
RETURN TO HOME
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